You Are Not Broken, But Just Need More Self-Love And Self-Acceptance

Published on: December 14, 2017

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A Process Of Renewal

“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” — Brené Brown

You are not broken, nor do you need fixing. What you need is self-love and self-acceptance to heal your fractured parts, to be whole. What you’re experiencing is an opportunity to grow, which may appear to be broken. In fact, you’re shedding your old self to make room for the real you to emerge. You don’t need more books or knowledge to convince you of your worthiness. Whilst they may offer you reassurance, they are a guide because your true essence will emerge when you discard your former self. The heartache, pain and disappointment you experience serves a purpose; to awaken you to your greatest self. Regrettably, many people perceive this as being broken when it is life leaving the door ajar to light the way for your transformation. Does this idea resonate with you? Could you change the way you look at your imperfections and see them as part of your true essence?

I respect the wisdom of spiritual author Mary O’Malley who writes in: What’s in the Way Is the Way: A Practical Guide for Waking Up to Life: “Everything in your life — especially your challenges — is tailor-made to help you see your stories of struggle. Whatever is in the way is the way!” You might think: why do I need to be transformed if I am not broken? This is so you can experience the wholeness of your being, which includes awakening to your greater potential and discovering the spirit of your true self. You were never broken to begin with, but undergoing a process of renewal. Sometimes, it may look as though the pieces have fallen apart because you are yet to see the entire picture. It is like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, scattered on the floor and being oblivious to how they come together. In other words, you have unrealised potential waiting to emerge. You only need to take the next step and trust you are guided to merge with your greater self.

Be Compassionate With Yourself

“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” — C.G. Jung

Here’s the thing: don’t be discouraged when life appears chaotic. This happens when you shift your attention to the fragmented parts instead of seeing how they will come together to form the whole. You are composed of light and dark, for each compliments the other in a sea of duality. If you focus on the unintegrated parts, you are likely to perceive yourself as broken. Yet, when light and dark merge, they become one like Yin Yang, representing contrary forces that are complementary and interconnected. You are likely to make many mistakes throughout your life, some of which you will regret. However, I invite you not to dwell upon your regrets, but to be compassionate with yourself, so you continue to grow and develop. The human spirit seeks to grow, otherwise you remain stuck and stagnant. This is what many experience around midlife when they lose their identity. Some people spend a lifetime trying to fix themselves to become perfect. Yet, if they are not received in the manner they expect, they believe there’s something wrong with them.

I liken it to scrubbing rust off metal, hoping it will reveal the beautiful chrome finish beneath. However, in scrubbing you realise the rust is a natural part of the metal. By embracing it, you come to appreciate it as a unique feature instead of something to be polished away. You are not broken, but breaking through your shell to reveal your best self. By accepting yourself as you are, you let go of the self-hatred and disempowering thoughts that obscure your true essence. As an author, speaker, and coach, I have repeated the same themes in my work over the past decade. That is: suffering results when you resist what is. This idea is nothing new but something the Buddha touched on centuries ago. When we let go of resistance and accept the conditions of our life, what remains is peace and harmony. So, I ask you: could you stop resisting what is and be open to it instead? Could you learn to accept yourself as you are, even if it means accepting yourself 1% at a time?

The lesson here is: resistance leads to struggle. Struggle always precedes pain and suffering. To allow the energy of life to flow through you, let go of your resistance and accept the conditions of your life. You are not broken, so learn to love yourself as you are, and allow the next chapter of your life to unfold. Every new encounter is a catalyst for growth. The past is not be carried into the present moment, because it discolours your experience of the now. Surrender and trust that life has a plan for you, akin to the natural flow of water which finds its own level. Eventually, your personal growth will guide you to a wonderful place if you follow the current upstream instead of resisting it. The key is to have faith in the process because the universe will not desert you. Sometimes it may look that way when you’re caught in pain and suffering. However, this is temporary and will eventually recede. Allow life to heal your fragmented parts without dwelling on them more than you need to. When the healing and transformation has occurred, you will have merged into the person who was there all along; your authentic self

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