It’s Pointless Trying To Become Someone You’re Not
“Imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we’re all in this together.” ― Brené Brown
To embrace your imperfections, let go of identifying yourself as inadequate and embody the wholeness of your being. Consider the accompanying tale of how our imperfections can be channelled correctly: a water bearer had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which he carried across his neck. One pot had a crack in it while the other was perfect and consistently delivered a whole portion of water. One day, at the end of the long walk from the stream to his house, the cracked pot arrived half full. This continued daily for two years, with the bearer bringing home one and a half pots of water.
The perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the cracked pot was embarrassed by its imperfection, since it fulfilled only a fraction of what it was designed for. After two years of what it regarded as disappointment, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the river. “I’m ashamed of myself because this crack in my side causes water to leak all the way back to your house.” The bearer replied: “Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot’s side? That’s because I’ve always known about your flaw. I sowed flower seeds on your side of the path and every day on our walk back to the house, you watered them. “For two years, I’ve picked these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being the way you are, I wouldn’t have this beauty to decorate the house.”
What you regard as limitations is good fortune clothed in adversity, yet when applied correctly, it can transform your life. Therefore, try to accept yourself completely, knowing you possess a combination of qualities. Instead of bringing attention to your weaknesses, view them as gifts to transform into the wholeness of your being. It’s pointless striving to become someone you’re not. To maintain a facade over time is exhausting and strips you of your authentic self. We are not attracted to others because of their virtues; it is their wholeness of character that resonates with us most. Think about the people you are attracted to, whether romantically or as friends? Hopefully, you are drawn to their character because without it; they are nothing more than something pretty to stare at.
Similarly, consider being in a room of attractive people. Most people will fixate on their own faults. It’s human nature to measure ourselves against others, though we needn’t subjugate our self-worth. Therefore, to accept your imperfections, cease trying to satisfy others. The more you aim to please, the fewer people will identify with you, because people-pleasing is a powerless state. For instance, there are several leading Hollywood actors and successful entrepreneurs with notable imperfections which they used to their advantage. Consider Arnold Schwarzenegger’s heavy accent, which didn’t discourage him from becoming a prominent star. Similarly, Richard Branson’s dyslexia had little hindrance when he was establishing his thriving billion-dollar Virgin empire.
You Are Born To Be Real Not Perfect
“Our love is perfect. And even though we may not be, our love creates a bridge that spans over our imperfections and joins us where it matters.” ― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You
Whilst I acknowledge the following wisdom is readily given out, it is underutilised owing to its simplicity. The power of gratitude can help us realise the wholeness of our character. A blemish on an apple does not make it inedible, but gives it further appeal. Equally, vulnerability allows us to embrace our imperfections because we communicate the same intention to others. It shows our humanness, since that perfection is an unattainable ambition if we wish to lead an authentic life. Without doubt, what you look for, you are certain to encounter. We must be mindful of our shortcomings, yet still bring our greatest work to life. As a further example, the actor Sylvester Stallone was once advised that his slurred speech would pose an obstacle to becoming an on-screen actor. Nevertheless, he channelled that objection to create a streak of successful films playing the lead character Rocky Balboa; the impoverished boxer hailing from the slums of Philadelphia.
So, welcome your imperfections and stop regarding them as an impediment. Delight in them. See as them as something that is uniquely yours. I have a nose that is bigger than the symmetry of my face. It’s part of my Middle Eastern heritage. I recall years ago meeting one of the Bafta winners from Priscilla Queen of the Desert film. She remarked how ‘powerful’ she thought my nose was. Yet, as a child, I was constantly made fun of because of my nose. In other words, at some stage in our life, we subscribe to a distorted image that portrays people as perfect. Perhaps the media plays a role, yet this image is far removed from reality. We must let go of striving for perfection and accept our true identity. We are complex beings and our physical appearance is one facet of it. If we fixate on our imperfections whilst downplaying other aspects, we overlook the wholeness of who we are.
Consider viewing a masterpiece painting close up. Your attention is drawn to the bold brushstrokes that appear distracting to the eye. Yet, when you step back and view the painting from afar, you realise the beauty and complexity of the brushstrokes that appear to outline the entire picture. See yourself as a masterpiece beyond your shortcomings, replete with bold brushstrokes that complete the whole person. Therefore, our imperfections call us to exercise self-compassion with our inner critic. Don’t abandon yourself when the inner critic judges your imperfections. See it as an opportunity to love and accept the disapproving parts of you instead of waging war with yourself. With concentrated attention, we can reframe our inner dialogue to be more affirming.
We must honour our feelings and use it to examine what inflames our emotions. In this manner, we transform our inner dialogue to reaffirm our wholeness instead of focusing on our separateness. You are born to be real, not perfect. There is no personal growth in a Utopian world and the last time I checked, we are a great way off Heaven, Nirvana, or Paradise. We must quietly grow into the highest version of ourselves. Perfection is not the answer if we aspire to attain inner peace. It will lead us further astray because we will continuously strive to change aspects of ourselves we’re unhappy with. Gratitude, however, opens the doorway to acceptance and a heart-centred focus. In conclusion, your imperfections are based on an illusory perception that highlights one facet of your being. Welcome your imperfections, so the wholeness of who you are is realised.
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Tony Fahkry
Expert Life Coach
