Those Who Fight Monsters
“Letting go of negative people doesn’t mean you hate them. It just means that you love yourself.”—Anonymous.
When did you last experience a negative encounter with someone? Was it this week? How did it work out? In my experience, we cannot resolve negativity with more negativity. I liken it to putting out a fire with gasoline. Whilst your intentions may be honorable, gasoline causes vapors from the gas to burn wildly, and the same happens when we douse negativity with more of it. Negative people are not like you and me insofar as they are addicted to the high that negativity offers. To put it another way, have you ever been so angry and experienced anger’s energy simmering in your body that it felt euphoric? It is this intensity that attracts those with negative tendencies. Retaliating with negativity empowers them more, and you are likely to walk away feeling disillusioned.
However, dealing with negative people with objectivity confuses them because they’re not accustomed to it. I’m not suggesting you become a doormat and allow others to walk all over you. I would encourage you to choose your battles wisely. Negative people are not battles you want to enter into lightly, since you will lose every time. It was the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche who said: “Those who fight monsters should be careful lest they become monsters.” Negative people are experts at owning their darkness and enjoy being mired in toxic situations. They look for negativity at any opportunity and will drag you into their pit of despair. Even if you win the battle, you will lose the war, for they will come back at you with greater force. This can stifle people because they are unaccustomed to dealing with toxic people.
I mentioned in an earlier article that I’ve been dealing with negative neighbors for over twelve months. They try to pull me into their negativity, yet I stay calm and peaceful because I refuse to succumb to their ways. I will not be drawn into their world, as I prefer peace and harmony, rather than being inundated with unnecessary drama. They cannot understand how I can remain calm amid their chaos and confusion. It is because I nurture the gifts of: patience, wisdom, inner peace, and compassion. I will not allow others to stampede across my mind with their conflicts, when it has taken me years of personal growth to arrive at this state.
Don’t Engage With Them
“Stop allowing other people to dilute or poison your day with their words or opinions.”—Steve Maraboli.
Yes, I concede that negativity is addictive because it triggers primordial emotions that force us to respond in anger and haste. Sometimes, this means saying or doing things out of character that we regret later. Isn’t it better to bide our time instead of responding to an emotionally charged situation? Sure, you may give them a piece of your mind, which feels good; however, we must choose our battles wisely because winning the day doesn’t mean winning the war. How do you feel about this? I realize it may raise questions about unfairness. But we mustn’t see it that way because they aren’t winning. It may look that way, but step into their shoes and you soon realize the heavy cost of carrying that negativity. What I’m saying is that negative energy eventually takes its toll on a person.
How dreary must their lives be if negativity is their answer to everything? It reminds me of the story told by the Buddha in which he equated anger to holding a hot coal in one’s hands. Whilst the intention is to throw it at another person, we are the ones who get burned. This personifies what negative people thrive on. Their anger and hatred become their weapon turned against them. Similarly, if you’re familiar with the area of mind-body medicine, you know that toxic emotions may manifest as disease in the body if given enough attention. So, what is the antidote to dealing with negative people? There isn’t a secret, other than to stay clear of them where possible, for it was Albert Einstein who once said: “Stay away from negative people. They have a problem for every solution.” In a similar vein, I would advise you to notice your anger and negativity when they are present. It’s not that I don’t get angry when I’m around destructive people; however, I’ve learned to channel this energy more productively. It will require practice, and you will slip up on occasion.
Nowadays, negative people serve as my teachers, helping me improve my emotional skills. Every encounter with a toxic person is an opportunity to master my emotional constitution. Yes, there will be times when they get the better of me, but I use each opportunity to improve myself. With this in mind, I’d like you to consider the negative situation I mentioned earlier. Write or journal how you could improve your interaction with this person/s /s next time you see them? What emotions are they triggering? Is it anger, shame, guilt, or disappointment? Why do you feel this way? Where in your past have you been triggered by similar events? It is only when we truly know ourselves that others are less likely to pull us into their lair of despair. We become bastions of peace and positivity because, as the Navy Seals often say, Calm is contagious.
Are You Ready to Transform Your Life with Confidence?
Are you ready to transform your life and unlock your potential? Start your journey with me today! My Life Coaching Program has empowered many to achieve lasting change. Schedule your FREE 30-minute consultation now and take the first step towards a brighter, more confident you.
Tony Fahkry
Expert Life Coach
