Love Must Flow Through You
“Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life’s search for love and wisdom.” — Rumi
Emotional pain strikes at the core of our being and can leave us feeling vulnerable. Whether it is pain accumulated from childhood or an intimate relationship, there’s a tendency to shut down afterwards. People refer to the deep hurt that consumes them in the wake of a stressful experience. When asked where it hurts, they point to their chest. This is because the heart gives and receives love. So, when you experience sadness or disappointment, it is natural to feel your heart is breaking. The term heartbroken refers to the heart being pulled apart through grief or sadness.
Nevertheless, we cannot hold on to feelings of sadness and disappointment because doing so means to inhibit life flowing through us. It is akin to building a dam using rocks in a flowing river. Eventually, the force of the water will erode the rocks or find its way through it. Whilst pain can destroy our self-esteem, it will naturally recede and open our heart again. Love must flow through us because our core nature is vested in love. Despite the hatred and evil in the world, love is the most powerful energy. Its healing ability shows that it is a powerful force in our lives.
No doubt if you’re reading this, you have been hurt at some point? Perhaps you still carry the pain and refuse to let go because who would you be without it? It is difficult to release pain following a traumatic experience. There’s a sense of numbness and emptiness in places you never knew existed. It’s natural to protect yourself by vowing never to be hurt again. But as you know, the wall you build to protect you prevents love entering your life. Remember my earlier metaphor of the dam built of rocks. Ultimately, the wall will must come down if you wish to find the freedom to be yourself again.
Heal Your Wounds
“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.” — Khalil Gibran
I want you to know it is natural to protect yourself. It is natural to experience hurt when the pain is too much to bear. It is natural to cry yourself to sleep because nothing else makes sense other than your emotional wounds. I know what it’s like because I have experienced deep emotional pain throughout my life. However, in the months and years that followed, it was the most pivotal point in my life. I discovered the emotional pain settles and what is left is a most beautiful and expansive energy of love that has always been there. I liken it to moon gazing where the clouds obscure the moon. Yet, when the clouds pass, a full moon reveals itself hidden briefly beneath the cover of clouds. The same is true of your pain. You can hold on to the pain or choose forgiveness and self-compassion, so love flows through you once more. The pain associated with heartbreak is the heart’s shell breaking open so love can flow freely.
Renew The Love In Your Heart
“Find a place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.” — Joseph Campbell
How do you let go of the pain? First, forgive yourself and those who contributed to your pain. If you need professional guidance, seek a trained counsellor or therapist who can direct your healing. Forgiveness is the entry fee you pay to regain your freedom once more. If the wall you construct is your shield of protection, then forgiveness is the doorway through it. It shows you how to find inner peace, knowing you can withstand the torrents of life. Forgiveness is the key to a better life and the freedom to experience the gentleness of love within your heart.
Second, lean in to your pain and experience it at your own pace. Naturally, what you stow away builds energy, so the emotional wounds consume you. I’ve spent the past decade coaching clients who experienced physical symptoms because they deferred their emotional pain. In collaboration with trained therapists, I helped the individual to heal their emotional and physical pain, so they discover the freedom within themselves. By drawing on mindfulness and self-compassion, your emotional wounds can be transformed. It was Jill Bolte Taylor, a respected neuroanatomist who suffered a stroke and wrote about it in My Stroke of Insight. She wrote in her book: “It takes an emotion two-and-a-half minutes to move through your nervous system.” Even debilitating emotions such as anger, sadness, or grief. Yet many people hold on to their emotions for decades, to protect themselves from being hurt again while creating physical illness in their body.
Finally, make peace with the part of you that feels anger, fear, sadness or grief. Accept these emotions instead of pushing them down. Let go of guilt, since it keeps you trapped and does little to transform your pain. I don’t want to justify why bad things happen because I don’t have the answers and if I did, I would caution you to run quickly. However, I’ve experienced pain and suffering at the deepest level and appreciate the lessons I learned from it. You may discover your reason or you may not. Either way, I urge you not to focus on WHY an experience occurs, but on how to transform and heal the pain. Pay attention to HOW can you heal yourself and reclaim your freedom by renewing the love in your heart. Only then will you have integrated the experience into the wholeness of your being and allowed the emotional intensity to dissipate. After all, pain is not who you are, but something you experienced and you have the power to revoke anytime you choose.