Understanding The “Not Good Enough” Mindset
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson.
In a world inundated with messages of perfection and unattainable standards, it’s easy to find ourselves entangled in the suffocating grip of the “Not Good Enough” mindset. This insidious belief system infiltrates our thoughts, erodes our confidence, and stalls our potential. In this article, I unveil the empowering roadmap to liberate yourself from this self-imposed prison and step boldly into a life where your worth knows no bounds. Welcome to the journey of Reclaiming Your Worth: How To Overcome The “Not Good Enough” Mindset For Good.
Where does the “not good enough mindset” originate from? This way of thinking is often evoked by many different places, including childhood experiences, cultural and societal pressures, traumatic experiences, rejection or failure, feedback or criticism, comparison culture, and perpetuating beliefs. Over time, we develop a mindset reinforcing the idea that we are not good enough. We find evidence that supports this negative view of ourselves, and our brain forms strong neural networks that make us believe this to be true, even though it may just be an opinion.
What are the signs and symptoms of the not-good-enough mindset?
They include:
- Negative self-talk
- Perfectionism
- Fear of failure
- Seeking external validation
- Comparing oneself to others
- Low self-esteem
- Avoidance of challenges
- Discounting achievements
- Overworking or overachieving will
- Difficulty accepting compliments
Reflect on whether you identify with any of these symptoms in the list. If negative self-talk or criticism arises, simply becoming aware of it without engaging in self-talk is helpful to overcome it. So, what are the impacts of the not-good-enough mindset? This limiting belief sabotages our success and happiness because we buy into the narrative it espouses. Although we have been conditioned to believe this, it is an invalid perspective.
Consequences Of The “Not Good Enough” Mindset
“Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.” — Brene Brown.
The “not good enough” mindset can lead to avoiding risks and remaining in our comfort zone, with long-term consequences. For instance, the fear of failure may limit us from taking chances, whether personal or professional, because we fear what failure may do to our self-esteem. We may associate failure with a flaw in our character rather than an opportunity to learn, grow, and boost self-esteem. The Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck refers to it in her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success as the Fixed versus Growth mindset. In this case, the “not good enough mindset” perpetuates a Fixed mindset, where we believe our personality and character traits are immutable. Is this something you have experienced, or do you know of loved ones or friends who have succumbed to this thinking? It is widespread in our society, and we must be mindful when we criticize ourselves and understand why we think this way.
Overcoming The “Not Good Enough” Mindset
“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.” — Albert Einstein.
How can we conquer the mentality of feeling not good enough? What are some effective methods to overcome it? Firstly, it involves challenging our thoughts and beliefs. This mindset persists because our beliefs often go unexamined since we identify with them from childhood. We may not have known better then, but as we mature into adults, our task is to learn to reparent ourselves, which involves transforming our childhood wounds. Is this something you’re willing to give your attention to? Could you understand your thoughts and beliefs on a more intimate level? Your answer will reveal whether you are ready to take the journey of self-exploration and self-healing, which may involve revisiting parts of your wounded childhood self. Entertaining the idea is the first step toward navigating the darkest recesses of your mind and changing how you relate to yourself.
Another way to overcome the “not good enough mindset” involves focusing on our strengths and accomplishments. Many people downplay their strengths and achievements by concentrating on their flaws and insecurities. The human mind exhibits a negativity bias, a biologically evolved function designed to safeguard and protect us. However, when the mind turns on itself, we become trapped in negativity and downplay our success and achievements. Part of this narrative involves highlighting our strengths and accomplishments or using a journalling or gratitude diary to highlight ways we are making progress. It is where self-compassion and self-acceptance become the key to this response. We become aware of our critical inner voice and turn our compassionate self towards it. It is the same attention given to a loved one if they are hurt or in pain; you wouldn’t criticize them but speak to them in a kind and compassionate way.
Other ways to overcome the “not good enough mindset” include surrounding ourselves with positive and supportive people. If we’re amidst those who criticize and demean our self-worth, it perpetuates the “not good enough mindset.” Therefore, we reinforce our limiting beliefs instead of drawing our attention to our success and achievements. Lastly, if we have tried and explored these options without succeeding, it may require working with a trained therapist who can help us heal this wounded mindset. Through therapy, we can shed light on our neglected and repressed parts, bringing them to awareness and shifting our focus from negativity.
Overcoming the “not good enough mindset” is possible but requires time, effort, and self-compassion. Please don’t believe you’re stuck with this limited mindset; it is not who you are. After experiencing traumatic events, you adopted this way of thinking. I, too, can recognize this negative mindset because I identified with it in my early adult life. No matter how hard I tried, I fell short of meeting other people’s expectations. Moreover, I compared myself to others, believing I was inadequate and incapable of being liked by others. I became a people pleaser and felt others would like me if I tried to fit in. After years of personal development, I learned that “not good enough” is just a script I perpetuated.
With the right help, patience, and persistence, we can rewrite our formative years and transform ourselves into someone we love and accept unconditionally. Don’t give up on yourself, even during your darkest periods, because there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. It involves moving towards it, even when you are not progressing. Taking small steps towards change can have a more significant impact than giving in to feelings of resignation and apathy. The journey towards reclaiming our authentic self is a long and arduous journey that takes us through our psyche’s hidden and repressed aspects. Here, we come to terms with parts of ourselves we have disowned and disliked. But the best part of taking this journey is learning to see that who we thought we were is not entirely true but a made-up narrative comprised of our hurts, trauma, and wounds. Therefore, with an open mind and heart, we can rewrite the script and give ourselves the most unconditional love and acceptance we crave.
