Wired For Kindness
“Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.” — Desmond Tutu.
Can you recall a time somebody was kind to you? Now, think of a time you were kind to another person. Call to mind their reaction and how you responded. Move into your heart and notice the feelings there. If you read no further than this point, you will know that kindness affects the user and the experiencer, leaving a lasting impression. Empathy and compassion seem to take a back seat to selfies, self-interest, and expendable human interactions in this fast-paced world.
Every person is waiting to be discovered or successful, believing it holds the key to happiness. Yet, when they succeed, they long for their former life, having underestimated the trappings of fame and celebrity. I enjoy the quote by Professor of Environmental Studies and Politics David W. Orr, who writes: “The plain fact is that the planet does not need more successful people. But it desperately needs more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers, and lovers. It needs people who live well in their places. It needs people of moral courage who are willing to join the fight to make the world habitable and humane. And these qualities have little to do with success as we have defined it.”
Kindness is fundamental to human existence. We are thrust into the world as newborns and are enriched by the kindness of our parents, who nurtured us for the following years. Humans are the only mammals with a prolonged gestation period. Other creatures rely on support for a brief time before becoming self-reliant. We are powerless at birth and depend on our caregivers to provide for our needs. Therefore, kindness is sewn into the framework of our DNA. We are wired for kindness. Each individual has opinions on how to improve the world, though no one wants to practice kindness.
Do No Harm
“Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”— Mark Twain.
World peace will not arise from overthrowing dictatorial powers or ending conflicts between nations. It will happen when humanity raises its consciousness beyond that of fear and hatred. I’ve often repeated that peace is only a thought away. Its motives emerge through kind thoughts towards oneself and others. “Unconditional love flows through specific channels of respect, integrity, purpose, meaning, value, response-ability, forgiveness, kindness, and compassion — and these form the foundation of our new, naturally ethical lives,” says author and psychotherapist Loch Kelly in Shift into Freedom: The Science and Practice of Open-Hearted Awareness. Kindness is not something that demands hard work. It originates from the simple act of not harming others. It involves judging less, however compelled you might be to do so. The ego is quick to judge because it is victimized and hurt, so it retaliates in revenge. Kindness, however, bites its tongue. It does not seek to be right but to preserve peace of mind.
You gain little by giving someone a piece of your mind, other than inciting conflict and separation. The Lebanese-born poet Khalil Gibran wrote: “I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers.” It might be clear that fighting with force is not the way towards peace. But you might ask, does that mean allowing others to treat me unfairly? No, not by any means. However, you needn’t retaliate with overwhelming force. I’m not implying you become a doormat. However, I invite you to accept the lessons from the experience. For instance, are you letting others treat you unfairly on some level? Or unconsciously permitting them to do so?
The Benefits of Kindness
Kindness has many benefits, including increased happiness and a healthy heart. It slows aging and improves relationships and connections, indirectly boosting your health. People believe kindness is particular to those of religious faith because of their moral vows. Kindness does not require you to be of religious belief or even spiritual. Demonstrations of kindness are observed in man’s best friend, the dog. Cats show kindness and are treasured for their emotional connection. Kindness broadens your life’s frame of reference and symbolizes respect to value the receiver.
It influences the giver more than the receiver and correlates with enhanced mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Through the 1990s, the late Dr. Masaru Emoto performed a series of experiments examining the natural effects of words, prayers, music, and environment on the crystalline structure of water. He noted that when kind and loving words were conveyed to the water, they formed a complete crystal structure compared to energies of hate and anger. Considering approximately 70% of our body is water, kindness directly impacts our immediate health.
People believe kindness signifies weakness and being taken advantage of. It’s important to delineate between kindness and being a doormat to others. You can be kind and assertive even when others attempt to profit from your kindness. You should not undermine your self-worth at the expense of others, but practice kindness while upholding your integrity.
Be Kind Anyway
It’s no surprise that wicked acts have a greater impression on us than acts of kindness. We are alerted to fear more than goodness. Psychologists believe we are wired to detect what threatens our survival and happiness. We pay attention to acts of cruelty in the news because they are perceived as a threat to our survival. In these times of disingenuous social media interactions, unkindness abounds as people hide behind screens. This does not make it appropriate to abuse others. There is a person on the other side of the screen with feelings we must consider.
An important lesson in kindness involves asking yourself: ‘How would I handle being the recipient of this?’ If it doesn’t feel good, avoid the behavior. I wish to leave you with a passage from Mother Teresa’s poem titled Anyway, in which she states: “People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway.” Incorporate the smallest acts of kindness into your everyday life and notice the ripple effects. The Butterfly Effect in Chaos Theory asserts that a tiny event in one region of the globe can have a substantial impact somewhere else. Equipped with this knowledge, the Dalai Lama reminds us to avoid harming others if we can’t be kind.
Are You Ready to Transform Your Life with Confidence?
Are you ready to transform your life and unlock your potential? Start your journey with me today! My Life Coaching Program has empowered many to achieve lasting change. Schedule your FREE 30-minute consultation now and take the first step towards a brighter, more confident you.
Tony Fahkry
Expert Life Coach
