The Illusion of Fear
“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.” — Jim Morrison.
In Robert Cialdini’s book Influence: Science and Practice, he mentions a remarkable story of the Thonga people of southern Africa, who initiate young boys into adulthood through a demanding, three-month rite of passage. These rituals, which demonstrate physical hardship, emotional endurance, and the threat of death, are not acts of cruelty but long-established customs representing transformation. They strip away weakness and reveal inner strength, thereby creating accomplished leaders from vulnerable boys. In the same way, we are also shaped by how we respond to fear, by allowing it to refine us. The account serves as a powerful metaphor: when we confront fear with courage, we uncover a hidden reserve of power that lies dormant within us.
It is this untapped power within us that holds the key to our freedom. In our society, fear impairs the lives of those who buy into its false presence. It was the French philosopher René Descartes who declared: “I think, therefore I am.” In other words, the fact that I am aware of my thoughts means there’s a thinker behind the thoughts. Similarly, many people inadvertently believe: “If I think fearful thoughts, they must be true.” Like an illusion, fear may appear real until we move closer to it and see it for what it is: a mental projection, not a real threat. Since fear is a survival instinct, it becomes a threat when our thoughts are stuck in a repetitive cycle. Fear rules our lives when we are at the mercy of the emotion. How about you? What are your fears? How do you respond to them? Do you allow fear to rule your life, or do you still take action despite your fears?
Turning Fear Into Power
“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. ” — Nelson Mandela.
Taking it a step further, it’s through taking action in the face of our fears that our transformation begins. Fear is feedback that signals we’re growing. It demonstrates we are stepping out of our comfort zone and moving into unfamiliar territory. However, we should remember that our imagination often distorts this signal. Fear isn’t a wall that should stop us, but a shadow cast by our thoughts that grows in intensity the more we resist it. Rather than oppose our fears, we can view them as opportunities for deeper insight. Second, we ought to embrace fear as part of our natural evolution. Fear can inspire us to action, so we mustn’t see it as detrimental. It can direct us to avoid what is harmful and take affirmative action.
This step towards affirmative action is one example where the fear of public speaking is widely considered to be people’s greatest fear. The American comedian Jerry Seinfeld once said, “According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.” It is apparent from Seinfeld’s comedic observation that facing our fears is a call to become better at public speaking. Rather than being unprepared, fear forces us to show up ready or risk being humiliated in front of an audience. As we overcome fear, we build strength of character and rise above obstacles to achieve victory. Therefore, fear is a teacher providing you with a vital experience before the lesson.
Power in Presence
“If external things pain you, it is not they that disturb you, but your judgement of them. And it is in your power to wipe out that judgement now.” — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations.
While transforming our fears begins with taking action, maintaining this transformation involves presence. This means embracing each moment as it is, not as our anxiety imagines it to be. If we can listen to the message fear promotes, we can learn to inhabit the present moment when our minds tend to wander. It should be reiterated that we cannot eliminate fear from our lives, not in the way people believe. We can reduce the volume of fear by not letting it become our master. Susan Jeffers’ acclaimed self-help book, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, is a suitable axiom for learning how to befriend fear. She suggests we take inspired action despite our fears and not cower from it. Many people are helpless in the face of their fears because they buy into the narrative associated with it.
Building on this idea, we can overcome the sense of helplessness by recognizing that fear is a signal indicating something that needs our attention. We can remind ourselves that fear helps us make better decisions in the face of perceived danger. We should have our wits about us instead of throwing ourselves unknowingly at a task. To put it differently, our response to fear provides a glimpse into our psyche. Considering this, reflect on your answers to the following questions:
- Are you constantly running away from fear or facing it head-on?
- What are you afraid will happen if you confront your fears?
- Who would you be without your fears?
What would your life look like if fear didn’t decide how you make decisions? What doors would open? This is the state you want to create if you want to transform your life to be bigger and bolder. Fear is a call towards inner growth and freedom because running away from fear makes it grow in intensity. Approach it with compassion and an open heart by forgiving yourself and others who contributed to your fears. It might surprise you to know that our fears can be passed down through generations. Wars and hatred stem from the paralysis of fear. We fear what we don’t understand; then we ultimately go to war with it.
If fear is a mirror that reflects unresolved aspects within us, then our task is to greet it with open awareness and compassion. In the same way an illusion disappears through close inspection, our fears will begin to fade if we stop running from them. By turning towards our fears with curiosity, we begin to demolish their hold over us. Imagine how your life would look if it were anchored in courage. What is possible for you when fear no longer dictates your choices? Take a moment today to identify a single fear you’ve been avoiding. Sit with it. Name it. Write about it in your journal and get to know more about it instead of remaining at a distance from it. Then, take one small step towards it. In doing so, you regain your power and begin to walk the path from limitation to freedom. Fear may always whisper, but it doesn’t have to dictate the direction we move. When we greet it with awareness, compassion, and courage, we reclaim our power. That’s where true freedom begins.
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Tony Fahkry
Expert Life Coach
