Life Can Change At The Drop Of A Hat
“The golden rule is that there are no golden rules.” ― George Bernard Shaw
What rules do you live by? I’m not talking about those that govern what you eat or how you dress, but something more meaningful. What rules dictate your life? For example, some people establish rules for how to live their lives. When things don’t turn out as planned, they believe things are falling apart. Have you experienced this before? Equally, there are people with rules about the person they should date or marry. We hear this all the time: the person must have certain physical traits, earn a particular income, or come from a specific demographic or ethnicity. However, rules don’t always work, and we should ignore some of them, as George Bernard Shaw remarks in the title quote.
We can’t expect to live a purposeful life bound by rules. Loved ones set rules for us from an early age, and we follow them into adulthood. We establish other rules when faced with adversity or hardship. Sometimes we develop regulations to protect ourselves from getting hurt in dating and relationships. We set boundaries on what we will and will not accept in a person. But is this the way to live? Can we set boundaries and restrictions on how our lives should be? Whilst it’s normal to uphold values and beliefs, we must be careful to update the rules we set for ourselves. As you know, life can change at the drop of a hat. This means that the person we were a decade ago is not the same person we are today. If we abide by the rules from that period, we are not living intentionally; we are following a script like a computer program.
Does this make sense, requiring us to re-examine the rules we set as we mature? When I was young, I had rules about how my life should play out, how people should treat me, what type of work I would do, and my relationship status. And guess what? None of it worked out. Why? Because life showed me otherwise. Life proved that my rules were insignificant in my life’s narrative. Moreover, as my awareness expanded, my circumstances reflected this change. I liken it to whitewater rafting, where you determine how the journey will unfold before you set out. Suddenly, you are besieged by uncompromising conditions and realize your rules did not account for this. This happens to those who establish rules. Life shows up and proves their rules don’t hold up. Now, from the tone of this article, you might get the impression I am against rules. Not at all. What I am advocating is being mindful of whether our rules are working for us and changing them as we grow.
It’s About The Intention You Set
“I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do.” ― Robert A. Heinlein.
Rules, like beliefs, should change with our circumstances; otherwise, they are no more helpful than the money we play with in a Monopoly game. Unless you are five years old and believe Monopoly money holds real currency, rules have the same effect. They hold us back from living in alignment with our highest values and intentions. They restrict us from being engaged with life. Rules are as effective as the person who creates them. Behind every rule is a positive purpose: to move forward with joy and enthusiasm, or to succumb to fear and criticism. If we develop rules from a place of fear, they will show up every time. So, if someone hurt us in earlier relationships and we establish regulations to protect ourselves, we hold ourselves back from engaging in love and intimacy. We build barricades instead of healing and transforming our pain and disappointments. Are you with me so far? Can you see that while rules can be helpful, it is the intention you set that dictates whether they serve you?
With this in mind, I’d like you to undertake a brief exercise. Write on a sheet of paper or in your Journal, at least five rules you live by. They can relate to any area of life, such as career, dating, finances, or health. Create two columns and in the left-hand column, title the header: “Rules I Live By.” Write your rules below. In the right-hand column, title the header: “Is This Working For Me Or Against Me?” Examine your five regulations and decide whether they are benefiting you. How will you know? Look at the quality of your life. For example, are you in a happy, loving relationship? If not, go back to the rule you created for relationships and examine whether it is serving you. Go through the other rules and take an honest inventory of whether they are helping you or holding you back. Be careful in your evaluation, not to let confirmation bias make you feel better about yourself. Ultimately, when you let go of the rules, life gets simpler and shows you whether you’re living from a place of fear or love.
The First Step Toward a Breakthrough
If you’re ready to move past what’s been holding you back and create real momentum, a 30-minute Breakthrough Coaching Session is the perfect place to begin. In just one focused conversation, we’ll uncover what’s keeping you stuck, shift your perspective, and help you design a clear next step toward meaningful progress.
Tony Fahkry
Expert Life Coach
