The Way You Speak To Yourself Echoes Through Your Relationships

As Within, So Without

“You will become what you think about most; your success or failure in anything, large or small, will depend on your programming—what you accept from others, and what you say when you talk to yourself.” ― Shad Helmstetter

It’s said, we will never speak to anyone more than we speak to ourselves and this is why we must be kind to ourselves. Knowing that, what is the relationship you have yourself? If someone were to look at how you treat yourself, what might they say about you? You see, every interaction we have with others begins inside our heads and echoes throughout our external world. If we are not happy with our relationships, we must examine our thoughts to see how we treat ourselves. For example, are you aware of the mental chatter that takes place within your mind? Whilst I don’t intend to focus on whether you entertain negative thoughts or not, it’s important to know the nature of our thoughts. Thinking is something we are habituated to from a young age. We may not notice our thoughts are negative until it shows up in our reality.

To give you an example, at my local supermarket, there’s a mature aged checkout operator who often invites people with eight items or less to come through her register. I often overhear her tell shoppers about her arthritic shoulder and asks them to bag their own items. She will talk about her symptoms and her reliance on medication to function. Now, if she works an eight-hour shift, she will have recited this story at least fifty to one hundred times. What we think about ourselves is what we communicate to others. On some level, she doesn’t believe her body is healthy and reaffirms her thoughts and beliefs to others.

As the Hermetic aphorism states: “As within, so without.” What we hold in mind has a ripple effect in our life. The checkout operator’s thoughts are a declaration to her subconscious mind, however negative they may be. Whilst I appreciate, she may be looking for sympathy, it would be better if she stopped talking about her ill-heath and directed her thoughts. Perhaps this takes place in your own life without your conscious awareness? Maybe your finances, relationships or career. It is easy to miss if we are not attentive to it.

We Must Become Our Own Therapist

“The brain simply believes what you tell it most. And what you tell it about you, it will create. It has no choice.”― Shad Helmstetter

Life can be difficult and this is why few people make the time for self-enquiry, to journal their thoughts on paper. This is an important step because it gives us a portrait into what is brewing beneath the surface of our minds. This simple practice, whether performed in the morning or evening, can help us to understand ourselves better. As a result, we are able to weed out thoughts not conducive to our general wellbeing. Is this something you’re willing to devote time and energy towards? I can assure you, the time you invest in yourself will come back to you tenfold. I enjoy the message by author and motivational psychologist Dr. Shad Helmstetter who explains how our self-talk can help us prevail over negative programming: “Self-Talk is a way to override our past negative programming by erasing or replacing it with conscious, positive new directions. Self-Talk is a practical way to live our lives by active intent rather than by passive acceptance.”

There is nothing more important than nurturing the relationship we have with ourselves. Even though you may have experienced a difficult past, how you speak to yourself determines whether you remain a victim to your troubles. Many people say they had a difficult childhood, bombarded with emotional and physical abuse. Whilst this can be a difficult period, what was missing from our lives during our formative years should be the focus of our attention as adults. If love, appreciation, kindness and compassion was missing when we were young, it is more important we cultivate these qualities as adults. We must become our own therapist and counsellor and plant the seeds of compassion, forgiveness and equanimity, for the love of oneself is the soil that never runs dry.

The dialogue we have with ourselves can be rewritten, if we are willing to weed out destructive thoughts. It requires a commitment from ourselves because caring for our inner landscape is an act of self-love. Attending to our thoughts is like pulling weeds from a garden so it can flourish. If the weeds are left to grow, they will overtake the luscious greenery. The key message here is: watch your thoughts by being attentive to them. Let go of thoughts not conducive to the person you wish to be and harvest those indicative of the person you intend to be. Ultimately, the way you speak to yourself not only echoes through your relationship with yourself but the relationship you have with others.

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