Understanding Negative Emotions
“Our greatest glory is not in never feeling, but in rising every time we fall.” — Confucius.
Think about the last time you felt a negative emotion. What was the emotion, and how did it impact you? How much time did it take for you to feel peaceful after experiencing the negative emotion? It’s fair to say everyone experiences negative emotions from time to time. Many people haven’t learned how to process them effectively, so they push them away, leading to the feelings returning later with greater intensity. But what are negative emotions, and why do we experience them?
Negative emotions are a natural part of the human experience. They encompass feelings like sadness, anger, fear, and stress. These emotions serve various purposes, often as signals or responses to situations. For example, anxiety can alert us to potential threats, while sadness may arise from loss or disappointment. Negative emotions can also serve as motivation to address challenges or make changes. Additionally, they contribute to our overall emotional resilience and help us appreciate positive experiences by providing contrast.
People often feel something is wrong with them when experiencing negative emotions, leading to a negative stigma. However, they are part of life, just as positive emotions. They can be essential messengers that alert us to aspects of our childhood wounds that we carry into adulthood. Rather than ignoring our feelings, it’s necessary to understand and integrate them. IFS Therapy (Internal Family Systems) is based on the principle of distinguishing negative emotions and engaging in self-inquiry to gain a better understanding of them. This approach helps us integrate these emotions into our psyche, leading to greater self-awareness and emotional well-being.
Negative emotions can signal that something is wrong or that we must act. For instance, anger can signal we have been wronged, and our boundaries have been violated. So, the negative emotion can be seen as emotional conveyors instead of hostile entities. The benefit of using self-inquiry to understand our negative emotions is they shine the light on hidden or repressed aspects of ourselves. In this way, the anger may be tied to our childhood wounds, and by examining it, we can be more attentive to what it is trying to convey. In a similar vein, anxiety can be seen as a signal we are facing a potential threat, and sadness may indicate we have lost something important and we are grieving. They are clues informing us about aspects we have ignored or forgotten that now need our attention.
Integration Through IFS Therapy
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, I can change.” — Carl Rogers.
Negative emotions can also be powerful motivators to help us take action and make positive life changes. Anger can be used constructively to assert ourselves or defend a cause. Similarly, anxiety can motivate us to prepare for a potential threat or to take immediate steps to reduce the risk. On the other hand, sadness can encourage us to reach out for support when we experience a loss. Negative emotions help us connect with others more authentically because sharing our feelings builds stronger relationships. Therefore, sharing our sadness helps us feel less alone and more understood. Negative emotions prompt us to act and move us from pain and suffering to healing and expansion. Are you comfortable knowing that negative emotions are not harmful? They help us shift from what is unfavorable towards a more peaceful and joyful existence.
Considering this, how can we embrace negative emotions without feeling consumed? Dealing with negative emotions can be difficult because of their heaviness. Firstly, it requires acknowledging and accepting our negative emotions. Acceptance does not mean liking the negative emotion but accepting it is happening and learning how to respond to it. This means allowing ourselves to feel our feelings, which is not always easy. Negative emotions, such as anger, fear, anxiety, sadness, and other similar emotions, have a dense energy field. Our nervous system can shut down, impairing our ability to think clearly and understand what occurs. Part of this process requires learning not to judge ourselves for feeling negative emotions when they emerge. Instead, it involves understanding the feelings with an open mind and a compassionate heart.
In IFS Therapy, there are 8 C’s identified, which refer to qualities or characteristics associated with how an individual effectively responds to negative emotions. They include:
- Curiosity: Encouraging a non-judgmental and curious attitude towards our internal experiences.
- Compassion: Cultivating a compassionate and empathetic stance towards ourselves and the various parts of our internal system.
- Courage: Embracing the courage to face and explore our difficult emotions and experiences.
- Clarity: Striving to understand the different parts and their roles within our internal system.
- Connectedness: Promoting a sense of connection and unity within ourselves, integrating the different parts rather than being dominated by them.
- Calm: Fostering a state of calmness and relaxation, helping to soothe our internal system.
- Confidence: Building confidence in navigating and healing our internal landscape.
- Creativity: Encouraging a creative and flexible mindset to find new, adaptive ways of responding to life’s challenges.
Embracing And Navigating Negative Emotions
“Feelings are much like waves; we can’t stop them from coming, but we can choose which one to surf.” — Jonatan Mårtensson
Other therapies can also help deal with negative emotions. I have listed IFS therapy in this article since it is one I am familiar with and use often through journaling. Other forms of treatment therapies used to process negative emotions include:
- * Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT)
- * Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)
- * Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
- * Gestalt Therapy
- * Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
Ultimately, we want to use our negative emotions to help us take positive actions in life. By making peace with negative emotions and using them to understand ourselves better, we can grow and overcome them. Negative emotions are a normal and healthy part of life. Our task is not to defer them or replace them with other harmful habits such as excessive drinking, substance abuse, emotional eating, avoidance, etc., but to find ways to embrace them so we live happier and more fulfilling lives. By making peace with our negative emotions, we integrate them into our true nature instead of seeing them as something being imposed upon us. We learn to recognize them as messengers, urging us to shift from negativity to acceptance.
Considering this, I invite you to list the negative emotions you experience regularly. If you keep a journal or diary, try to become curious, compassionate, calm, and connected to the negative emotions when they arise. It is not always easy to do; however, by creating a space around the feelings, we can see them as something moving through our nervous system instead of harming us. You might ask yourself: What are the emotions trying to convey? Am I willing to listen to the messages? What is the possible negative outcome of experiencing these emotions? By accepting and embracing our negative emotions, we can learn to navigate life’s challenges with greater ease and resilience. Rather than avoiding or suppressing our feelings, we can acknowledge and work through them, leading to a more authentic, meaningful, and ultimately happier life experience.
