Mind-Made Illusions
“The best things in life are unexpected – because there were no expectations.” – Eli Khamarov
There’s a Zen story which shows how our expectations limit our experience of reality: Zen master Baizhang was walking with Mazu and saw a wild duck fly by. Mazu said: “What is that?” Baizhang replied: “A wild duck.” To which Mazu asked: “Where is it going?” Baizhang said: “It is flying away.” Mazu twisted Baizhang’s nose and said: “When did it ever fly away?” Baizhang assumed the duck flying over him was central to his experience of it. He attached meaning to his experience of the duck, sooner than assume the duck was flying over him toward its destination. The kõan is a familiar riddle which offers us a lesson in releasing expectations. Baizhang observed the duck in flight as central to his universe, i.e., flying away from “ME.” Expectations have the same effect by limiting our perception of life. We add layers to our experience, albeit at a cost of a limited perspective.
For instance, in his first interview with Oprah Winfrey, the Brazilian author Paulo Coelho, who wrote The Alchemist, attributed his success to being open to uncertainty. He reminds us to flow through life by allowing it to carry us where it needs to without expectations. I realise this is difficult to practise because we are used to setting goals and deadlines and get disappointed when things don’t work out as planned. However, as we trust in the rhythm of life, we gain the confidence to trust that life is a process working in our favour. For example, by finding time for quiet reflection, we gain a clearer understanding of what is behind our expectations. We might ask ourselves: Are our expectations valid? Why is it important that circumstances transpire as we expect? These questions highlight the principal motivation underlying our expectations because if we can work with a greater universal intelligence, an even better result will often emerge. Can you relate to this? Think about whether you are clutching for something to happen in a certain way. Are you willing to release your expectations of how the situation will unfold?
There’s a Chinese saying, which states our cups (minds) are overflowing with concepts which limit our experience of life. “You are like this cup; you are full of ideas. You come and ask for teaching, but your cup is full; I can’t put anything in. Before I can teach you, you’ll have to empty your cup.” Therefore, to see beyond our expectations, we must become empty vessels so life may pour herself into us. This allows us to get past the story in our minds and appreciate life for what it is; a mystery of unfolding parts conspiring in our favour. Most people’s perception is obscured by subconscious programs inherited from an impressionable age. They hold a limited view of reality which discolours their experience of it.
I’m reminded of the psychotherapist Anthony De Mello who wrote a delightful book titled Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality. In the book, he outlines how our experience of the world is tied to our awareness; or lack of it. Our life’s experience results from our perception of reality; not reality itself. He affirms we must look past the veil of illusion created by the mind and experience life as it is. Furthermore, expectations are mind-made illusions which we hope to create “out there.” It is not absolute truth because the truth is subjective to the individual.
How To Navigate Your Expectations
“When one’s expectations are reduced to zero, one really appreciates everything one does have.” — Stephen Hawking
So, how can we liberate ourselves from expectations while fulfilling our human needs? First, experience the world through the eyes of a child. Surrender all expectations through uncertainty and ambiguity; the source of creation. Second, stay grounded in the present moment; this allows you to let go of future expectations instead of recycling the past into the present moment. When we are present, we embody life’s experiences with fullness. To illustrate this sense of a distorted reality, when you view the sun, you are seeing it where it was eight and a half minutes ago, given the Earth’s approximate distance from it. You are not seeing the sun where it is NOW, since it has moved. Therefore, everything in life is transient and if we are not grounded and present, life can pass us by in an instant.
The French essayist Anaïs Nin confirms this state of a subjective reality where she writes: “You don’t see the world as it is, you see it, as you are.” Thus, we do not experience reality as we hope, yet through a filter of accumulated beliefs. In addition, see if you can get out of your head and into your heart. Don’t reason the world through intellect alone, because the mind will fail you. Call on other senses alongside logic, such as your intuition and feelings. Moreover, let go of the sense that life owes you something because you have been a good person or a devoted partner, etc. The moment you engage life with purpose and passion, your expectations no longer dominate you and all your needs arrive at the right time. Reaffirm that everything you need is available to you right now. Release the need to have all the answers by being open to infinite possibilities and trusting in the process of life. Surrender the need to control life’s outcomes, for trying to control life is like clutching at water with your hands open. Trust is the how we let go of expectations, since we are no longer tied to a specific outcome but open to all possibilities.
