Look For The Gifts And Lessons
“But then again, maybe bad things happen because it’s the only way we can keep remembering what good is supposed to look like.” — Jodi Picoult.
Think of a current negative situation you are wrestling with. It might be related to a relationship, finances, health, or something close and personal to you. I’m not discounting the strength of your emotions, but I’m inviting you to resist labeling the situation as negative for now. Having endured countless challenges over the years, what seemed like a negative experience resulted in the greatest contribution to my personal growth. Later, as the pieces came together, I could see how things worked perfectly for my greater good.
I don’t know why bad things happen, sometimes to good people. For example, the loving husband or wife tragically hit by a drunk driver is paralyzed for life. The elderly couple loses their life savings to an unscrupulous investor, or the only child succumbs to cancer. I am as curious as you are about why these things happen, but I’ve discovered it is pointless trying to make sense of it. Instead, we should look at how these experiences can enhance our growth. I believe in a greater power, not a religious being depicted by mainstream religion but a universal and creative energy field. This infinite field is contained within everything in the universe. You may wish to call it source, universe, or nothing at all; that’s fine, but it helps to believe in a greater force co-creating our life in the background.
I mention this because, with the death of my father and my illness two decades ago, I am convinced this energy field is present in every experience, whether good or bad. When we label an experience as negative, we take a snapshot of what is happening then. We don’t know what will follow or whether things will improve. For example, if you receive a speeding ticket, it makes sense to label the experience as negative. But what if there’s a greater reason for obtaining the speeding ticket that becomes clearer later? The British writer Alan Watts wrote: “The whole process of nature is an integrated process of immense complexity, and it’s impossible to tell whether anything that happens in it is good or bad.”
This idea is further illustrated in the story of the Chinese farmer: Once upon a time, there was a Chinese farmer whose horse ran away. That evening, his neighbors came over to commiserate. They said: “We are sorry to hear your horse has run away. This is most unfortunate.”
The farmer said: “Maybe.”
The next day, the horse returned with seven wild horses, and in the evening, the neighbors returned and said: “Oh, isn’t that lucky. What a great turn of events. You now have eight horses!”
The farmer again exclaimed: “Maybe.”
The following day, his son tried to break one of the horses and, while riding it, was thrown off and broke his leg. The neighbors said, “Oh dear, that’s too bad,” and the farmer again responded, “Maybe.”
The next day, the conscription officers came to conscript people into the army and rejected his son because he had a broken leg. Again, the neighbors came over and said: “Isn’t that great!” Again, he said: “Maybe.”
Life Is A Self-Organizing System
“I have always believed, and I still believe, that whatever good or bad fortune may come our way, we can always give it meaning and transform it into something of value.” — Hermann Hesse.
As Alan Watts states, the fundamental aspect is that nature is an integrated process of immense complexity, and we cannot tell whether anything is good or bad until the picture is complete. Even events in this lifetime that we consider negative could be useful to the next generation. We mustn’t label experiences as negative but look for the lessons and growth within those experiences. Are you comfortable with this idea? I hope you’re open to the idea that life is conspiring for you, even if it sometimes doesn’t look that way. I’m neither asking you to change your mind nor forcing you to adopt a belief you’re uncomfortable with. I’m merely inviting you to dip your toe in the possibility that life, the universe, source, God, or whatever you call it, is supporting you beyond the realm of possibility.
Life can be complex and simple, and living according to this understanding isn’t easy. But we must resist naming and labeling situations as negative because we set ourselves up for disappointment. We create the perception of life being against us, where life is constantly flowing through us. It requires stepping back from the drama and searching for the lessons and important growth in our experiences. So, I ask you: can you give yourself the gift of looking at your current misfortune through the lens of growth? Are you willing to stop labeling situations as negative and ask: “What does the greater part of me need to learn from this experience?” Ask yourself: “Why am I being presented with this experience, and who do I need to become to overcome it?”
Ultimately, we can see our experiences as good or bad, but that is a limiting view. Because life is a self-organizing system, we ought to relax into the knowing that things will often resolve themselves with little interference from us. If we add a limiting belief to what occurs, we add more muck to a dirty lens. But if we accept that although things appear unpleasant now, we are willing to look for the lessons and change our perception of what is taking place. Ask life to reveal why this experience occurs and who you must become to overcome it. You will transcend every negative situation, and life will make more sense.
Are You Ready to Transform Your Life with Confidence?
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Tony Fahkry
Expert Life Coach
