Unlock Your Inner Strength
“The only limits you have are the limits you believe.” — Wayne Dyer
What does it feel like to fully accept the possibilities of your own power? Are you aware of your potential, or do you embrace uncertainty and discomfort? The impact of our insecurities can affect our personal growth on many levels. We usually feel uneasy when we lack the know-how or capabilities in certain areas of our lives. Therefore, if we remain in our comfort zone for too long, there is a greater chance we will experience insecurity and a lack of confidence. That’s why it’s imperative we examine avenues for conquering our insecurities and fostering confidence in our lives.
So, how does our self-doubt manifest itself after all? We may experience fear, doubt, and a sense of helplessness when we venture outside of our comfort zone. This is also true in our personal and professional life. Our repressed thoughts and beliefs, which we have allowed to become part of our identity, are what manifest as our insecurities. But left unexamined, they can grow bigger and dominate our life. In other words, they become untold stories that take on a life of their own because we have bought into the narrative they espouse. Does this sound familiar to you? For instance, think of a limiting belief that you have accepted as true. How has this belief affected your life and personal development? Reflect on this over the coming paragraphs as I highlight the ways we can overcome our insecurities with confidence.
In order to conquer our anxieties, it is necessary we become aware of ourselves and recognise our issues. This requires courage, vulnerability and honesty. Examining unfavourable aspects of ourselves is not for the faint-hearted because we will discover things about ourselves we don’t like. For instance, to help my coaching clients become more aware of their insecurities and limiting beliefs, I suggest they notice their negative feelings through journaling. Whilst a majority of my clients want to learn how to speed up getting rid of their negative emotions, I instruct them to begin by recognising what they are feeling. Sometimes, there are layers of limiting beliefs hidden below the surface which have accumulated over the years. So, it is imperative they learn to notice them so they can understand the nature of the negative emotions.
Embrace Uncertainty And Growth
“One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.” — Abraham Maslow
Once we identify our limiting beliefs, we must challenge the beliefs. There are many practices to investigate our beliefs, but one practise I have used successfully over the years is that of Byron Katie’s The Work. It is a self-enquiry method and a form of cognitive therapy designed to help individuals challenge and question their thoughts and beliefs. The goal of The Work is to identify and investigate thoughts that cause suffering and to shift our perspective to find inner peace. The Work comprises four simple questions and what Katie refers to as “turnarounds”:
- Is it true? This question encourages us to examine the validity of our beliefs and thoughts.
- Can you absolutely know that it’s true? This question challenges us to consider the certainty of our beliefs.
- How do you react when you believe that thought? This question helps us explore the emotional and behavioural consequences of holding onto our thoughts.
- Who would you be without the thought? This question invites us to imagine how our lives would be different if we didn’t have the particular thought.
By engaging in this process of enquiry, we can gain clarity, reduce stress, and experience personal transformation by questioning and re-framing our thoughts. The Work can apply to various aspects of our life, including relationships, work, self-esteem, and emotional well-being.
The Work is a practice of self-exploration, allowing us to observe our thoughts and reframe them. When we resist our thoughts because we disapprove of them, we experience suffering. I compare it to slamming down on the accelerator in a car while speeding down the freeway in a panicked state. To slow down, we must take our foot off the accelerator, letting the car naturally slow, and press the brake lightly to come to a complete stop. Whilst I’m using a simple analogy, the same principle applies to redirecting our limiting beliefs. That is, we must notice our limiting beliefs and gradually shift our attention away from them through self-enquiry. Ultimately, we must try to understand the nature of our thoughts so we can redirect them towards a more peaceful state. Moreover, it requires accepting our limiting beliefs without judgement. Self-criticism keeps us stuck in the past processing pain, instead of fostering equanimity and inner peace.
Personal Growth Through Self-Confidence
“You have within you right now, everything you need to deal with whatever the world can throw at you.” — Brian Tracy
Does this idea appeal to you? Could you give yourself the gift of observing your thoughts instead of ruminating on them? To overcome our insecurities, we must practice being kind to ourselves and allow space for the range of emotions we experience. Confidence arises through self-awareness and self-acceptance. It doesn’t mean we have to like our thoughts, but we mustn’t hate ourselves because we are experiencing negativity from time to time. This is natural and part of the human condition. Our thoughts will ebb and flow depending on certain factors in our life. For instance, many self-help books and articles espouse the idea of positive self-talk and positive affirmations, but I don’t accept this advice because this is masking the real problem; addressing our core wounds.
So if we wish to gain the confidence to overcome our insecurities, we ought to set achievable goals in the respective areas of our life to boost our confidence. For example, if we are anxious about talking to strangers due to social anxiety, we might start with a simple goal of making eye contact with people as we go about our day. In the following month, we might extend our boundaries ever so slightly by meeting a stranger’s gaze and offering a warm smile. What’s important here is not the act of overcoming social anxiety, as much as the confidence we gain from overcoming our insecurities. We must gradually extend our discomfort zone instead of remaining imprisoned by our limiting beliefs. Will it be terrifying at first? Yes, of course, but that doesn’t mean you are incapable of overcoming your insecurities.
It requires patience, understanding and self-compassion to identify areas of our life not benefiting us. What is more, it requires discipline and self-motivation to work on these insecurities until we see positive changes. But this is the role of personal development; to extend our discomfort zone and embrace aspects of ourselves obscured from sight. By bringing our unconscious thoughts to the surface, we will discover new facets of our identity. Is this something you’re willing to try? Could you embrace your insecurities with confidence gradually over time? The only way to know is to start small and work towards something you wish to overcome. After all, to embrace our true potential requires the willingness to overcome our insecurities with confidence. It is then we can recognise our true nature hidden beneath the facade of a distorted illusion.
