How To Detach Yourself From An Experience To Learn The Lesson

Published on: March 31, 2011

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“By letting it go, it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try the world is beyond the winning.” – Lao-Tzu 

As I reflect writing this blog over the last few months, I’ve learnt a great deal about myself and the audience reading my posts. I’ve received numerous compliments, which I remain grateful for. I’ve received feedback from those who didn’t share my point of view, which is also fine. I’ve never been averse to negative feedback, as long as one critiques the work, not the person – there’s a distinct difference.

I have read numerous books over the past few years on blogging, social media, marketing and communication. I’ve learnt more from writing and researching this blog than I have reading those books, sadly enough. In giving and sharing information, you become a vehicle for learning and personal growth. A relationship builds as a result.

In communication, it’s important to remain detached to the outcome from readers, listeners or viewers. I learnt this year ago when presenting in front of audiences.

I was frustrated a small percentage of people were taking the information onboard. It frustrated me that I had invested time, money and effort into acquiring information to make available to audiences. The respondents seemed indifferent toward my message and less passionate than I. This was cause for upset at the time. I now appreciate that it takes 10% of any population to initiate change – the rest become followers when ‘critical mass’ is reached.

Have you ever been in a similar situation before? You tried in vain to teach a friend, a relative or loved one a skill or something of value. It seemed they were less than enthusiastic toward achieving the results you wanted for them. I’m faced with a similar situation frequently with clients. I want the best for them, yet they don’t share the same vision for themselves. I may feel apathetic at times, given the feedback received.

That’s where internal conflict arises. Often, what you desire for another may not be what they actually need. With good intentions, you believe it would be remiss of them not to accept the information or knowledge conveyed. I have acquired over the years, some of the best resources and tools for assisting people with health and illness. I willingly hand over this information free of charge at times. I’m amazed by the reluctance of people to embrace it.

I’ve learnt to detach from the outcome these days. Dan Millman is his book Wisdom of the Peaceful Warrior sums it up perfectly, “Once aim is taken and arrow is loosed from the bow, we can only wait in anticipation to see where it will land.” He is talking about detachment, using a bow and arrow as a metaphor to inform us we have little control once we’ve released control. This is a part of one’s coming into wisdom. You learn to detach from an outcome, knowing the universe operates in mysterious ways unbeknown to you. You role is a vehicle for transporting knowledge or wisdom. Those who need to hear your message will do so at the right time. There is no need to rush the process.

Every person’s journey is different. Denying them of their truth and how they acquire it is to deny them of their life’s journey. Some learn quickly, others learn slowly; while a few never learn at all. This is the beauty of life – we’re all doing the best we can given the resources available to us.

Follow Through

My suggestion if you’re continually experiencing something unwanted in your life is following. Take note of it first. This is being in a state of awareness which I’ve discussed in previous posts. Awareness is to ‘notice’ without assigning meaning. The more aware one becomes, the more power is gained to make conscious choice. I’ve had some of the best things happen as a result of what seemed like things gone wrong.

Experience, awareness and understanding have taught me to stay removed and uninvolved when such things show up in my life. I am at peace in my mind knowing goodness awaits around the corner when undesired circumstances show up. The key message is one of ‘expectance,’ through awareness and experience.

What are your current lessons? What is life teaching you? Is it in the form of an experience or to draw your awareness toward something? Are you getting bad grades at school or university to highlight the need to value your studies more? If you’re playing in a band and receiving mixed reviews from audiences, perhaps the universe is asking you to experiment more with your style of music. There’s an audience for you out there, waiting to hear your creative ability. With the right style of music, you’ll draw a greater audience to your creative expression.

I still experiment with my blogging to see what works best. In the coming weeks, I’ll be adding video blogs to my posts. Since I love speaking, I find it easier to express myself more so than writing. Stay tuned for more in the coming weeks when I get a feel for the technical aspect.

In the interim, ponder those questions I posed in the paragraphs above. Write down answers which come to mind. Let it sit for a few days and see what comes up. There is no right or wrong answer. Ultimately you’ll have an aha moment expressing “I know why I am having this experience or lesson.” Begin putting it into practise by bringing it into your awareness everytime you perform the task or entertain the though. Slowly but surely, over time you’ll have become aware by acting on something which brings you closer toward fulfilment.

Are You Ready to Transform Your Life with Confidence?

Are you ready to transform your life and unlock your potential? Start your journey with me today! My Life Coaching Program has empowered many to achieve lasting change. Schedule your FREE 30-minute consultation now and take the first step towards a brighter, more confident you.

Tony Fahkry

Expert Life Coach

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