Love Must Flow Through You
“Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life’s search for love and wisdom.” — Rumi
Emotional pain strikes at the core of our being and can leave us vulnerable in the weakest places. Whether it’s pain accumulated from childhood or an intimate relationship dissolving, there’s a tendency to shut down. People refer to the deep hurt that consumes them in the wake of a stressful experience. When they’re asked where it hurts, they point to their chest. This is because the heart gives and receives love. So when we experience sadness or disappointment, it is natural to feel our heart is breaking. The term heartbroken refers to the heart being pulled apart through grief or sadness. The good and bad news is that none of us are immune to it.
Nevertheless, we cannot hold on to feelings of sadness and disappointment because doing so means to inhibit life flowing through us. It is akin to building a dam from piles of rocks in a flowing river. Eventually, the force of the water will erode the rocks or find its way through it. Whilst pain can destroy our self-esteem, it will naturally recede and open our heart again. Love must flow through us because our core nature is vested in love. Despite the hatred and evil in the world, love is the most powerful energy. Its healing ability shows that it is a powerful force in our lives.
No doubt if you’re reading this, you have been hurt before? We all have and that’s what makes us unique and vulnerable. Perhaps you are still carrying the pain and refusing to let go because who would you be without the pain? It is difficult to release pain following a traumatic experience. There’s a sense of numbness, and emptiness in places you never knew existed. It’s natural to protect yourself by vowing never to be hurt again. But as you know, the wall you build to protect you is the wall that prevents love finding its way into your life. Remember my earlier metaphor of the dam built of rocks. Ultimately, the wall will must come down if you wish to find the freedom to be yourself again. Are you comfortable with the idea of letting go of the impediments that stand in the way of love?
I want you to know it is natural to protect yourself. It is natural to experience hurt when the pain is too much to bear. It is natural to cry because nothing else makes sense, other than to identify with your emotional wounds. I know what it’s like because I have experienced deep emotional pain throughout my life. However, in the months and years that followed, it was the most pivotal point in my life. I discovered the emotional pain settles and what is left is a most beautiful and expansive energy of love that has always been there. I liken it to moon gazing where the clouds obscure the moon. Yet, when the clouds pass, a full moon reveals itself hidden briefly beneath the cover of clouds. The same is true of your pain. You can hold on to the pain or choose forgiveness and self-compassion, so love flows through you once more. The pain associated with heartbreak is the heart’s shell breaking open so love can flow freely. You are the embodiment of love. Pain and disappointment are transitory states unless you attach yourself to them.
Renew The Love In Your Heart
“Find a place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.” — Joseph Campbell
How do you let go of the pain? First, forgive yourself and those who contributed to your pain. If you need professional guidance, seek a trained counsellor or therapist who can direct your healing. Forgiveness is the entry fee you pay for the freedom to be yourself once more. If the wall you construct is your shield of protection, then forgiveness is the doorway through it. It shows you how to find inner peace, knowing you can withstand the torrents of life. Forgiveness is the key to a better life and the freedom to experience the gentleness of love within your heart.
Second, lean in to your pain and experience it at your own pace. Naturally, what you stow away builds energy, so the emotional wounds will consume you. I’ve spent the past decade coaching clients who experienced physical symptoms as a result of deferring their emotional pain. In collaboration with trained therapists, I helped the individual heal their emotional and physical pain so they were able to discover the freedom within themselves. By drawing on mindfulness and self-compassion, your emotional wounds can be transformed. It was Jill Bolte Taylor, a respected neuroanatomist who suffered a stroke and wrote about it in My Stroke of Insight. She states: “It takes an emotion two-and-a-half minutes to move through your nervous system,” even debilitating emotions such as anger, sadness or grief. Yet many people hold on to their emotions for decades, to protect themselves from being hurt again while creating physical illness in their body.
Finally, make peace with the part of you that feels anger, fear, sadness or grief. Accept these emotions instead of pushing them down. Let go of guilt since it keeps you trapped and does little to transform your pain. I don’t want to justify why bad things happen because I don’t have the answers and if I did, I would caution you to run quickly. However, what I can say is that I’ve experienced pain and suffering at the deepest level and know there’s a reason why I attracted it. You may discover your reason or you may not. Either way, I urge you not to focus on WHY an experience occurs, but how to transform and heal the pain. Pay attention to HOW can you heal yourself and reclaim your freedom by renewing the love in your heart. Only then will you have integrated the experience into the wholeness of your being and allowed the emotional intensity to dissipate through you. After all, pain is not who you are, but something you experienced and you have the power to revoke it anytime you choose.